One

I know I'm a little bit late, but as Aria's birthday came and went, my mind was on how it had been an entire year of baby, and how I can't imagine life any differently now.

I think I can count on one hand the number of days since she was born that I haven't changed a diaper. (Thank you Disneyland vacation)

An entire year has gone by where I have had no idea how many hours I'd be sleeping each night..

I adjusted to being a stay-at-home mom- it was HARD for me.  Still is, sometimes.  But when I am playing with my daughter on the floor, laughing together, I say a prayer of thanks that I am able to stay home with her.

I learned what, and who, is really important in my life.

I went through the devastation so many moms feel when they realize that for whatever reason, they have to stop breastfeeding.  I felt like I failed my baby, but deep down I know it was best for her.

I watched and felt my body recover from the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth.  The fact that we are capable of it, and then can bounce back from it, is incredible.

I struggled with my self-image... I think most new moms do... or maybe it's just me?  Ha.  It's crazy that you can get back down to pre-pregnancy weight, but your body is just so DIFFERENT.  Clothes don't fit the way they used to, and you just have to learn to accept those stretchmarks.  They fade over time, but they will always be there.

I learned that life is, indeed, all about the little things.  The first smile, after those exhausting first weeks, that make it all worth it.  The first laugh, the first step... all tiny moments that make you feel so proud.

I've experienced a change in my marriage, in a good way.  I'd be lying if I said having a baby doesn't make marriage more difficult, but it also makes it more sweet, more rewarding.  Watching my husband become a daddy for the first time was a beautiful moment for me, and I thank my Heavenly Father often that I married a man that loves kids so much, especially our daughter.

It's been a year of putting someone else's needs before my own, and it's been hard, but wonderful.

I've learned more patience, felt more love, and experienced more joy than any other year in my life.  Parenthood is truly the crowning joy of life, and I can't wait for the years to come.

My Fast From Social Media

This has been something that's been on my mind for awhile now.  Kind of like a leaky faucet; always in the back of my mind.

I don't know about you, but I have a love-hate relationship with social media.  Facebook, Instagram, and blogging, to be exact.
I'll admit, me becoming a stay-at-home made these things a lot more appealing, since I basically fell off the face of the earth and lost all contact with the outside world.  I'm sure any new mom can agree with me. Sometimes these things are the only contact I have with anyone besides my baby and husband like, all day.
There's nothing better than seeing a friend's pregnancy announcement, or adorable little baby.
Also, I love posting pictures of my cute baby.

Enter the hate part of my relationship with social media.
It's just become... unhealthy.  There's no other word for it.
Social media has become the ultimate form of rejection and isolation.  If I'm wrong than maybe I'm over-analyzing stuff way too much. :)  I spend a ridiculous amount of time stressing out why so-and-so hasn't followed me back yet, or what's-their-face unfriended me, or this or that person hasn't "liked" my photo yet.  There is a group of moms on Instagram that are like, the epitome of cool.  I found I was spending way too much time poring over their pictures of their perfect children with perfect clothes and perfectly clean homes and perfectly-phrased hashtags.  This is nothing against them-nothing at all.  In all honesty I'm just totally jealous of them.  How do they have time to keep such a spotless house and take their kids on all these amazing playdates and still have time to snap a photo of their OOTD?  (Outfit of the day-no I did not make this up).  I was comparing my life way too much, and that's just never a good thing to do.
When it comes down to it, I love my life.  I have an amazing husband, a hilarious and adorable baby girl, two awesome puppy dogs, super great and caring friends, and an incredible family.
But I have been losing sight of that lately.
And if I'm being totally honest with myself, I haven't been the greatest mom, wife, or friend lately, and I'm going to go ahead and blame my obsession with other peoples' blogs, and Instagram, and Facebook for that.
Did you know that I amazingly spend a total of an hour and a half each day sitting next to Aria's highchair as she learns the art of feeding herself?  It can get boring really fast, and I've found my eyes glued to my phone when I should be interacting with her.  Especially when she's trying her hardest to get my attention.  Cord has complained to me on more than one occasion that I'm on my phone WAY too much, and you know what?  He's right.
The bottom line is this.  Til the end of the year I'm done with blogging, Instagram, and Facebook.  No more worrying about the people that don't actually matter, and focusing on the people that really do.  I have a feeling that I'll become a lot more appreciative of the family and friends and life I do have.

Let's Talk Money

Ok I've turned into a super-nerd when it comes to money.  I have discovered I LOVE LOVE LOVE budgeting.  Yes, I'm weird.  I know. 
I'm on a Babycenter chat board that talks all about money and finance and budgeting, and that's kind of what got me started.  I realized just how sad me and C's financial situation was.  Not that it was terrible, because it wasn't.  We've never had a problem paying bills, or even paying for anything that we wanted, really.  With both of us working, especially, money wasn't much of an issue for us.  Then we cut down to one income, and life got hard.
I was always under the impression that "budgeting" was simply listing out your mandatory monthly bills, and as long as you can make those payments, you're in good shape.  How not-true this is.  You have to make your money work for you. 
I've learned about how important a REAL budget is.  You know, one that lists out every single expense that might ever come up, and have a plan for it.  Then, there is no need to use credit cards.
I've learned debt is bad news.  (Duh.)
I've learned how important an emergency fund is.
I've learned that being financially prepared to buy a house BEFORE you buy is a good idea. 
I've learned there's no such thing as a simple savings account; you should always be saving for a specific purpose.

Since we decided to have this "Total Money Makeover", we have payed off thousands of dollars in credit card and student loan debt. 
When we get our paychecks now, I immediately allocate every cent to a specific purpose.
I no longer dread what horrid disaster might hit us financially, because we've got a plan.

Ok seriously, I need a hobby.  This is what gets me excited.  Budgeting.  Ha ha.

My Patriarchal Blessing

Heads up, spiritual post.  :)

So lately I've been feeling super grateful for my patriarchal blessing.  Those things are amazing.  There's some proof that God really knows YOU and what you most need to hear in life.  I'll admit, when I was 16 and first got my blessing, not a whole lot stood out to me as far as guidance goes.  But as life has gone on and I've been faced with new opportunities, challenges, and disappointments, it has been CRAZY to see the help I was given almost 10 years ago that is just now becoming relevant. 

I'm terrible at anxiety.  Absolutely terrible at it.  When we decided to start having kids, after the first month of no baby, my mind went into freak-out mode and I started wondering what horrible disease I had that was preventing me from getting pregnant.  Ha ha.  Luckily, I have a loving Heavenly Father who knew I'd have this issue, and so he put some very specific stuff about having babies in this life into my blessing.  I'll admit, this is a lot of what got me through those months.

I was blessed that I would always follow the prophets.  At the time I was like, "uh, duh I'll follow the prophets.  What Mormon isn't going to?"  Ha ha.  Silly naive 16 year old me.  As recent events have come to light within the church, I'm now understanding that blessing!  It's such a good reminder to me that those men are guided by the Lord.  If they fall, He will not allow them to be in their position anymore.  "Whether by mine own voice, or by the voice of my servants, it is the same."  

I've gotten into the habit of reading my blessing weekly, and it has done wonders for me!  Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in feeling that what I do on a day to day basis doesn't matter.  After all, my days now are filled with changing diapers, making bottles, cleaning up spit up, and washing dishes.  Not exactly the glamorous life, folks.  But reading my blessing reminds me that being a mom is one of the greatest things I can do. 

Bottom line- I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has given each of us a personalized, one-of-a-kind blessing that is designed to help us through this tough thing called life, especially in today's world, where things are no longer black-and-white, sacrifices must be made, and the world and the church grow further and further apart in morals. 

And now I'm going to add an Albus Dumbledore quote because 1-that man is a genius and 2- what would this blogpost be without a Harry Potter reference?  You're welcome Scone.

"Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right."

When It Rains, It Pours.

Ain't this the truth?  Seriously.  I've noticed a life pattern here.  It seems like when one thing goes wrong, or just becomes a major stressor, it invites friends.  Then you have to count your small blessings.  I'm pretty sure this is God's way of teaching me to handle stress.  Because I'm absolutely terrible at it. 
On the plus side, I just finished all 9 seasons of The Office.  Boy I love that show. 
Also, when Baby Aria laughs super hard, I almost cry because it is so stinkin' cute.  Weird?  Yes.

Dang You, Biological Clock.

So, I miss being pregnant.  Yep, I do.  And I say this with the full realization that I was totally miserable a lot.  I shouldn't miss the nausea, the misery of being huge during the summer months, the last few weeks of feeling like a whale... and not being able to get a good night's sleep once I hit third trimester. 
But I do miss it!  Moreso the excitement in the beginning when you take the pregnancy test and get a positive, the thrill of having such a wonderful secret before you've told anyone, how fun all the ultrasounds are when you see your little babe on the screen, feeling the first movements, and planning for the new little life you will soon be meeting.  I miss strangers asking me all the regular questions (when are you due, boy or girl, what's its name), and being so excited for me. 
Ok, I even miss labor and delivery!  It was so exciting!  And my brain is telling me over and over that labor wasn't THAT bad.  Really wasn't.  I've pretty much forgotten how bad it was.  Ha ha.  Labor got real fun once I had that epidural.  
My only saving grace is that I'm not quite ready for having another newborn yet.  I'm still recovering from those sleepless nights.
This is obviously how nature makes sure we reproduce.  Your brain forgets all the terrible things and makes you baby-hungry. 

PSA:  This is not a pregnancy announcement.  :)

So Sometimes, You Accidently Starve Your Baby.

And you figure it out because they haven't gained any weight in a month.

Stupid antihistamines.

Needless to say, we've switched to formula feeding.  And she's already gained 2 pounds in 3 days.  And is a whole lot happier now.

Oops.

Rules I Break

Apparently, there are things that make you a good parent and things that make you a bad one.  I'll spell it out for you.

-I don't cloth diaper.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  But apparently I am killing the earth by not doing so.
-I let Aria watch tv.  She absolutely loves it.  I turn on Disney movies for her when I absolutely need to get something done.  No, she doesn't just watch tv all day.
-I supplement with formula.  If I'm going to be out while she needs to be fed, I take a bottle with us.  If I'm leaving her with daddy or her grandparents, they feed her formula.  I simply don't have the time or the desire to pump.  Sue me.
-At naptime when I simply don't have the patience for a 20 minute scream-fest, I cheat and put her in her bouncy seat and bounce her to sleep.  Works like a charm.
-I'm not planning on making my own baby food.  I should, but I'm just not.  Nope nope nope.
-I'm going to try her on rice cereal at 4 months.  Apparently this is not the cool thing to do anymore.  All the cool moms are waiting to introduce ANY solids til 6 months, and cereal is not on that list, because supposedly there are no nutrients.  That's not what the box says, but ok...
-When the bebe's been crying for 45 minutes straight, I sometimes put her in her crib, shut the door, and walk away for 10 minutes.  I have to keep my sanity somehow.

I guess being told how to parent comes with the territory.  :)

On Friendship

Friendship is a funny thing.  I've never been one of those people that is dying to have tons of friends.  Most weekends, I'd actually prefer to stay in by myself.  Once in a blue moon, I go stir-crazy and need a night out with people, and then I'm good again.  Maybe I'm an introvert.
I miss my high school friends.  To be honest, I've only kept in contact with a couple of them.  I wish now that I'd tried harder to stay in touch.  I love hearing from other people how they are doing, and I love hearing about their successes; buying houses, graduating college, getting married.  All of us have had our hard times too.  Death, divorce, health problems... you name it.
One friend, I tried extra hard to stay in contact with.  But sometimes, someone just doesn't have any interest in being your friend.  That hurts.  I've never had that experience before and it made my heart feel sad.  Ha ha.  But really.
I've met new friends too.  Friends at work and stuff.  I've gotten closer with friends that I knew in high school, and I'm so glad for that.  I've made friends with some of  Cord's friends' wives, and I am glad I have.  I hope I can become better friends with them.
  I've also become better "friends" with my family, and with Cord's.  There seems to be an unwritten law that unless you are a Golden Child, you just can't be friends with your parents or your siblings while you are a teenager.  But now, some of those friendships are the most rewarding I have.  Also, I happen to be married to my best friend.  He is the best daddy, husband, and friend I know.  And man is he a good example of friendship.  He would do anything for his friends.  He loves those boys like they are his brothers.  No one can make me laugh like he can, and I can definitely be my complete self around him.
My point is, if you are one of those old friends, I miss you!  And even though we may not talk much anymore, if you are reading this, know that I think about you still! 

Character in Solitude

"Our character is best revealed not in the the public eye, but in private. What we do when nobody is looking is the truest mark of our character. And those who display character in the dark will always reflect it in the light."

I love this.  I got in from a cool article called 20 New Ways to Judge Others.  How true is this?  Such a good reminder.  There are so many people nowadays that just put on a show and are fake.  I'm not a huge fan of fake people.

Be yourself!  And make yourself a decent person, to the core.

For example, me telling Harley she is dumb when no one is around because she puked in her cage for the millionth time that week makes me a lam-o.

Lesson learned.

Letting Go

So, I'm a little late with the whole New Years resolution thing, but better late than never right?  This year, it's deep.  For realsies.  It's letting go of the unhealthy.  Unhealthy food (not so much chocolate, and not nearly so much caffeine).  Don't ask me how I will do this, because caffeine+sleep deprived parenthood=the only way to success I know.  But I KNOW it's best for me.  Unhealthy habits.  I have plenty of these.  Mostly sleeping in.  I can trick Aria into sleeping til 11, which is great, but then we aren't so productive...  Unhealthy tv shows.  Because let's be honest, there are many of them.  Too bad so many of my favorite shows have blatant, casual sex.  Because guess what?  They would be really funny WITHOUT all that.  Whatever, world.  Unhealthy stress.  I worry WAY too much about WAY too many things.  Life's too short to be spending it with things and people and habits that stress you out!  Amen.

PS Baby Aria stresses me out more than anything. ("oh crap, she coughed, it must be pertussis!")  But she is a good stress.  The very best.

PPS I secretly want to be a minimalist.